Comment to be added
:)
So Matt wrote this in his LJ
"Some people seem to think it's fun to try to wind me up.
Stacey and Krystle are these said people.
Grow up. Get a life. I don't care what you say about me so don't bother acting like silly little children trying to wind me up.
Cos I'm happy with who I am, and where I am going in life. Which is bigger and better places than you will likely achieve."
Basically I don't care what he has to say anymore
I'm fat, big deal
Does it look like I care anymore?
No, cos I have a boyfriend who loves me for who I am and never wants me to be skinny
I don't have many friends
Do I look upset?
No, cos I'd rather have a couple of friends who I know won't backstab me and who I can trust with my life
He says to grow up but he was the one that sleeps with people and then tells them days later he's 'not ready for a relationship' and then gets in a pissy when I'm pissed off with him for saying it in the first place
Hatred doesn't even describe how I feel about him
I can't fucking stand him
I can't stand how he thinks he's better than everyone else, I can't stand how he only talks to me when he wants sex, I can't stand his BIG FUCKING NOSE and his FUCKING ANNOYING VOICE, I can't stand how he has to go on Krystle's LJ to slag me off when he could quite easily find me on Facebook (not hard since he's been stalking me and Krystle on there cos he's fucking obsessed with what we have to say about him) and most of all I can't FUCKING stand how he messes people about all the time and fucks with their feelings
He made me want to lose weight at one point and made me feel I wasn't good enough cos I'm not skinny
I'm surprised I haven't developed an eating disorder cos of it
He thinks he's so much better than everyone else cos he goes to uni and gets sex whenever he wants (shame he has to force people into it, I wish I hadn't been so naive)
He thinks he's better than everyone else cos oh yay he has a perfect fucking family
I don't find it amusing that Matt goes telling Krystle that my family's fucked up
Like oh noes, my parents split up, my brother moved out at 17, I moved out at 19
I don't give a million shits about what he thinks of my family
It's my family and it might not be perfect and we might not all get on but I'm really not bothered
I know my brother would stick up for me if I needed it
He proved it when he texted Matt ages ago saying he was gonna get him if he didn't leave me alone
I know my sister would be there for me when I need her
She proved that when I still lived in Axminster and used to cry myself to sleep at night cos I thought that my dad hated me
My sister used to get up and hug me and tell me that my dad didn't hate me and everything
I know my mum would be there if I needed advice about anything
She proved that when I was going through shit with Paul
To be fair I can't think of anything my dad would do for me
I'm not too bothered though cos I've got friends and family who mean the fucking world to me and who would do any fucking thing for me
It's more than Matt's got
I CAN'T FUCKING STAND THE FUCKING CUNT WHO THINKS HIS COCK IS SOOO FUCKING GOOD AND SO HE'S SOOOO GOOD IN BED WHEN HE SO BLATANTLY ISN'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
'Omg I have lyk such a big cock. Lyk sleep wiv me cos I is lyk sooooo good in bed'
Pff
Dreaming much?
There's no fucking need to slag me off behind my back and say stuff about me which is totally untrue
He says I'm shit in bed, he neglects to mention that it was my first time and he just goes 'Lie there and do nothing Stacey' and I didn't know any better
Shame I do now
I wish he hadn't been my first
I wish he hadn't been anywhere
And then he fucking spreads around that I'll sleep with anything with a fucking heartbeat
Like I would sooo sleep with someone else when I'm with my boyfriend who I love more than anything in the world and who I can't imagine not being with
He needs to get his fucking facts straight
And another thing
He doesn't like the fact that me and Krystle are friends and all last year kept trying to make me not be friends with her
So to shut him up for a bit, I didn't talk to her
I deleted her off my Myspace and everything
And it actually made me really miserable that I was letting him choose my friends for me
I feel really bad about it cos she hadn't even done anything wrong
All because of that FUCKING CONTROL FREAK CUNT
This is more than 2 years of anger directed at him cos I didn't want to say anything before, I wanted to be the bigger person and NOT bitch about him on the internet for everyone to read
But then I thought 'fuck it'
Why should I bite my fucking tongue when he goes spreading shit about me that isn't true
I hope he enjoys his worthless, pathetic life with no one that loves him or cares about him
He can die for all I care
Harsh, I know but I don't care anymore
I only say things like that about people that piss me off so much beyond belief
And Paul makes me happier than anyone's ever made me
/mushover
- Mood:
loved
I went up to the walk in centre today with Laura cos I'd missed my period by a week and I was really worrying about it
We had to wait for ages and I was nearly crying and everything and eventually we got to go in and I had to piss in a cup and everything (cos you all wanted to know that) and then go back in the room while the nurse did the test
It felt like so long waiting even though it was a couple of minutes and it turned out that it was negative
Oh my god I was so relieved and I still am now cos I knew Paul's mum would probably have the biggest go at me if I was pregnant
I mean I can't even really look after myself at the moment, let alone a baby!
She said it was cos I hadn't taken my pill for a month and so my body was still adjusting to it and that it usually takes about 6 weeks before you have another period after coming off the pill
At least it taught me that I should be more careful and just cos I've been lucky before it won't happen again
I mean there was more of a chance that I was pregnant than last time cos last time I'd taken the morning after pill
Oh my god I am so relieved you wouldn't believe has
Laura got me some sweets in town to celebrate or something lol and if it turned out I was pregnant they were gonna be comfort eating sweets
We went to McDonalds before that and got something to eat and they had Munchie McFlurries
They looked so nice but I couldn't really afford one so I demand that ![[info]](http://stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
squishtastic has one and tells me if I'm missing out
I'm so relieved
- Mood:
relieved
And it wasn't good
Me and Paul were arguing last night cos he's been slagging off my friends lately even though I've told him not to cos I hate it and if anyone should have the right to slag off my friends it'd be me
I was getting really pissed off with him and then he goes 'Have fun sleeping on the street tomorrow night'
I just got off the bed and said 'Yeah I will thanks' and slammed the door and went downstairs
I'd forgotten my baccy and shit and so I went upstairs to get it and he wouldn't let me out the room
Something inside me just snapped and I was shouting and screaming at him and tried to hit him three times but didn't manage to actually hit him cos he was too fast for me and eventually he let me out
I ended up going for a walk cos I wanted to be on my own to calm down and think about things and I got back and Paul's mum said he'd been looking for me so I stayed downstairs for about 10 minutes to decide whether or not I still didn't want to be around him
I went upstairs in the end and then we talked about it
He was really upset and apologising loads and promised to never say anything like that again and saying he was a really bad boyfriend
I was pretty much the same and saying I was a bad girlfriend for scaring him and trying to hit him and being a bitch
It was possibly the worst argument we've ever had
I didn't even talk to him for about an hour cos I was so annoyed
I managed to find somewhere to stay tonight anyway which is good
Now I just have to worry about what I'm gonna do til Friday
I was shitting myself all last night and this morning and afternoon about sleeping on the street and I don't want to have to go through that every day
I'd rather be staying with someone I hate at the moment than being on the street cos at least then I'll be warm and safe and stuff
I keep pretending to Paul that I don't care if I'm on the street cos he's worried enough as it is and I'm scared that I'll just make him worse if I'm upset in front of him
I might be moving to Honiton soon though
I found a room to rent out, now all I need to do is see if I can get a crisis loan so I can pay the deposit and two weeks rent or get a job and then I can let the landlady person know when I've got the money and she said that I could have a look at the room once I got the £150 together and let her know
So I'll finish my crisis loan thing tomorrow and try and get my housing register thing done as well cos then at least I'll be on the waiting list for somewhere
I wish I had a bigger family sometimes
Then at least I might be able to stay with someone else
I spoke to my dad the other day and he said I can't stay at my auntie's with him cos there isn't any room but when he gets his own place I can stay over any time I need to which is good
I'm tired of all this worrying
I can't wait til all this is over
Maybe then my life will get better
- Mood:
crappy
I have pictures as well but it's nearly 2 in the morning and I'm tired and can't be bothered to go through them all and put them up
I'll leave that for another day
But basically I went to Laura's and stayed at hers
It involved a lot of drinking, chocolate fondue set, a chocolate fountain and me apparently arguing with Craig (as in Craig my ex if anyone remembers him lol)
Although it was apparently a small argument from what Laura told me the next morning
I woke up at about 12 and I wasn't even hungover surprisingly which was awesome
We played pass the parcel as well haha and I ended up having to do a shot of Sainsburys Basics vodka which is the worst thing I've ever had to drink in my life haha
Then later on we had strawberry cheesecake and chocolate gateau, those potato smiley face things and sausage rolls which was cool
Lol I was sposed to be sleeping in Laura's room with Jenny and Jamie was sposed to be in the living room with Craig but it ended up with Jamie and Jenny sharing Laura's room and me and Craig sharing the living room with Keith passed out in there as well all night even though his house was like 2 minutes away or something
The only thing I remember about him being there was him picking up Laura's hat and fucking off somewhere and me going 'No that's Laura's hat' in a drunken sleepy kind of way lol and then he came back later on and then kept fucking off and coming back which was spinning me out
Oh my USB cable came for my MP4 player today
So I'm using it for the first time since I got it for Christmas
Put pictures on there my ass
I spent ages finding pictures and put them on and they weren't even there
I can't complain
Not unless I manage to drop this one down the toilet as well
Anyway I'm off to go to bed and cuddle with Paul cos I'm cold
:(
- Mood:
worried
At all?
And I've gone without for a month and I'm not even bothered?
The only thing that worries me is Paul will get annoyed and finish it
Whatever
- Mood:
depressed
It was probably one of the best years of my life
I met so many amazing people and managed to find someone who loves me for who I am and doesn't want to change me or anything
I started talking to my mum again and now we get on so much better than we used to, same with me and my brother
My brother came back down here to live and it made me so glad to know that he's somewhere safe now and that I don't have to worry too much
I've changed so much as well
Instead of being a doormat for everyone I've learnt to stick up for myself and not take any shit off anyone
Even with all the bad stuff that's happened I've managed to stay positive most of the time and I don't care if anyone finds it strange that I'm still happy even though I'm homeless and don't have a job and I've had so much shit happen last year
I hope this year will be so much better than last year cos I need some good luck now and better stuff to happen
No more being upset over stupid things or arguing with Paul about little insignificant things
I'm gonna try and be a better person this year cos I know I was a bitch most of the time, even though I didn't actually mean to
And thank you to all my LJ friends who have helped me out with stuff and cheered me up when I was upset and that and giving me advice, specially
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
squishtasticand
vindictiveHappy new year
- Mood:
thoughtful
And then Exeter at some point in the week to look for a job
Stupid bitch of a boss sent me my P45 saying I left there on the 21st when no one mentioned me leaving
She actually said I could come back when I'd found somewhere to live
Nice of her to let me know I was getting my P45
- Mood:
pissed off
- Mood:
blank
Paul will never put them on the computer haha
I had the most awesome Xmas ever
I stayed at Paul's and woke him up at 7 just to tell him it was Xmas and then we had to get up at half 7 to open them
I got
-Three selection boxes (I love selection boxes lol)
-An MP4 player
-New clothes
-Bath stuff
-This really cute pink rubber duck with hearts and one of those boa feather things
-A Death Grip On Yesterday by Atreyu
-Diesel Green perfume (which is lush!)
-A bath bomb thing from Lush (I got the Sex Bomb one, it was well nice lol)
-Make up
-A pink pen with fluffy stuff
-Anti ageing cream (I don't have the faintest why my nan got me that. One of them had been used as well!)
-A new woozie (which is actually a blanket but for some reason at Paul's they're called woozies)
and I've got another to come hopefully in February when my mum goes to Italy again
I think that's all of them anyway
Me and Paul just spent most of the day in his room while he was playing his game that he got
And my USB cable for my MP4 player broke when I went to charge it so I'm waiting for a new one to come
We had the best Christmas dinner with turkey and sausages wrapped in bacon and vegetables (which I didn't eat cos I wasn't in the mood for eating vegetables and a couple of them I didn't like anyway)
I watched loads of filmies as well and it was awesome
We had crackers with jokes and charades and stuff and so me and Paul were doing the charades that were on them in his room
It was honestly the best Christmas I've ever had
It was the first Christmas I'd spent with a boyfriend and I was really looking forward to it and it was so much more than what I expected it to be
I dunno why, maybe it was cos I felt like part of the family or I got to wake up with Paul and spend all day with him
But it was the best Christmas I've had and I hope I can have more like it
- Mood:
cold
Nothing beats getting up at half 7 in the morning and getting shit loads of presents!
:)
I'm off to my nan's later as well
So I probably won't be on for a couple of days
I don't really want to go but I spose I have to if I don't want to be on the street
- Mood:
awake
One day til Christmas!
And I get to spend it with Paul!
I'm way too excited!
:D
- Mood:
excited
Turns out I've got FOUR FUCKING DAYS cos they're so fucking incompetent at work and can't do something as simple as get a top and put it in reception for the next day
So I've had to take the day off fucking work now, I can't do next week cos they want me to work til fucking MIDNIGHT at the weekends which I said I could never do and I even told them I can't do it any day at the moment cos I've got nowhere to stay
So now I've got to make about £150 last me for I don't know how long
I saw my nan in Seaton today while I was waiting for my bus (which turns out was a waste of time cos of the incompentness of people) and she said I could stay at hers from Boxing Day til New Years Eve which is good
I wasn't expecting it but it's really good news to know that I've got somewhere to stay for a week anyway and that I won't be in and out of people's houses every night and having to get up early in the mornings
I rang a couple of people about some rooms to rent out
One of them said the room had already gone but the other one said she wasn't gonna have the keys til next month so I might be able to go and look at it next month if she remembers to ring me up
I'm still pissed about work though
It's fucked up and it's not even my fault for once but they made me feel like it was
If I'd known they'd be so incompetent then I'd have at least handwashed my top last night
Sure it might not have been dried properly in time but it wouldn't have mattered if I was gonna be out the back polising glasses and cutlery for six fucking hours again
It's not like it's really cold out there cos they only do shit loads of cooking and stuff
Fuck them
I'm not feeling bad
It's their fault
They fucked it up
- Mood: pissed off
Anyway
I found out my Christmas present from Paul the other night
I don't know if he meant to tell me or if it just slipped out but he's got me a new MP3 player which he reckons you can put 1000 songs on it
All week he's been winding me up about it cos it's from China and so he's been saying that the writing on it is in Chinese and it's only 1MB and so it'll only be able to have 1 and a half songs on it
And cos I'm so gullible I believed him when he said both those things
Apparently there's a pink, blue or green one and he can't choose the colour
Hopefully I'll get a pink one but I wouldn't mind if I got green or blue
Haha
Paul's put Maury on and there's these two people that have been on 5 times and this matey keeps cheating on his girlfriend or something
Every time he tells her he's like 'OMG Shelley take me back I've got a problem!!!' and starts crying and everything
She's a bit of a stupid bint though if she keeps taking him back
If Paul cheated on me once I'd never ever take him back
I'm getting my Christmas presents from Auntie Sharon's today and when I get back to Paul's I'm going to open one of them haha even though it isn't Christmas yet
I'm gonna sort out about getting my stuff taken from Exeter cos Paul said I could put it in his practise room so Uncle Kevin's gonna take it to Axminster for me
Oh and I've got a new job as well waitressing in Hotel Barcelona
I keep forgetting about it though and I need new jeans and stuff but I have no money for some so I'll have to wait til I get paid
I've got training to do as well but she said I'd probably get that done in about a week cos I've had so much experience which I'm quite excited about
And she said that during the year people usually get between £2000 and £3000 tips
So I'll be super rich hopefully
I've also looked round a couple of places to live so I should be hearing from them soon hopefully and get a place
I'm staying at Laura's tonight which is good and I get her room as well which probably includes the telly and laptop which is good
And it's just hit me that I'm starting my job tomorrow haha
At least now that I've got stuff sorted out I'm not so stressed
I don't think I'd ever been so stressed in my life haha, I was crying so much the past two weekends and being such a bad girlfriend to Paul
But at least I've got stuff sorted out now so it's fine
- Mood:
relaxed
Paul's parents would rather I was out on the street than staying somewhere safe just cos Paul's in debt cos of me
I know it's a weekday
I know I'm not meant to stay on weekday's but it's different this time
I'm fucking lucky I got somewhere to stay tonight otherwise I'd be fucked
It's a bit pathetic really
I'm trying to get a job
I've applied to live in a couple of places
I'm going to look at somewhere tomorrow
I've got an appointment at the job centre tomorrow
So it isn't even like I'm not sorting myself out
Fuck them
If they want to judge me cos of my family that's their problem
It's not my fault my mum's got no money and will probably end up homeless along with my sister if I go back to hers
It's not my fault my dad moved out of his without finding somewhere first and he's staying at my auntie's
It's not my fault my nan's the biggest fucking bitch EVER and can't be fucked to help me out
Fuck it
- Mood:
apathetic
I've had so much going on with trying to find somewhere to stay and stuff
I've been the worst girlfriend ever to Paul this weekend cos I've been so stressed and I've been having a go at him for no reason all weekend
Although we have got on with each other as well
Haha he taught me how to play poker on Sunday and I was winning pretty much every hand
Then I got really cocky and put pretty much all of my money in and lost everything
Luckily it was all 2ps from Paul's 2p pot that we were playing with so I didn't really lose anything
I went to the council to see if they'd give me somewhere to stay and they didn't
Me and Paul had a look at the website before we went so I'd know if they were bullshitting or not which it turns out they were
They wouldn't give me somewhere cos I'm not under 18, I don't have kids and I got kicked out for not paying rent so I'm intentionally homeless or something
But it said on the website that you weren't if you couldn't afford to pay the rent or you could only afford to pay for rent OR food and not both
I told the woman that I couldn't afford to pay rent and I couldn't even afford food and she still didn't give me somewhere
I even told her about my depression, anxiety and panic attacks and she said I have to get proof from the doctor or something
I spose if I'd told her about my head she'd want proof from the doctor,even if I showed her my scar
Paul had a gig on Saturday so we went down to the town hall cos he was playing there
Luckily they were first so we had more drinking time lol
I met Ant's girlfriend properly as well and she's so nice
She's so much nicer than Tif who just sat there being miserable the whole time and not talking to anyone
After they finished playing we all went down to the Smugglers even though no one was playing
And I swear I've become such a lightweight since I hurt my head
We got back to Paul's and within half an hour of getting there I puked up
Luckily I didn't miss the toilet or his mum would have had a heart attack lol
And I'd only had about 6 drinks lol
Probably cos I'd been mixing them
On Saturday Paul had work and I've been so tired I slept pretty much all Saturday
I fell asleep at about 1 and woke up at 3 and I dreamt that I had a cock for some reason and woke up spinning out thinking it was real lol
I even had to go to the toilet to check I actually had a minge and not a cock!
The night before that I dreamt I was pregnant and everyone hated me for it and started pulling my teeth out and I woke up thinking it was real
Paul came up to bed just after I'd woken up and I kept him awake for ages checking it wasn't real
Haha it was the funniest conversation ever
Me: Paul, do you hate me as well?
Paul: No
Me: Am I pregnant?
Paul: No
Me: Have I got teeth?
Paul: Yeah. Why?
Me: Cos I dreamt I was pregnant and everyone pulled out my teeth cos they hated me cos I was pregnant
I saw my mum on Wednesday cos she came into Exeter with my sister
Hannah came up to meet them with me and then after we saw my mum she took me to Cafe Rouge for breakfast and then bought me a scarf from one of the stall things in town
The night before she bought us some hairdye and £11 worth of sweets from the German Christmas market
So we went back to her's and dyed our hair, watched Hairspray and ate sweets
Then on Wednesday night she took me to Vue to see Stardust which was amazing!
I'm gonna try and get a job soon as well so I can go back and live at my mum's till me and Paul get somewhere
I'm tired of being in and out of people's houses already and it hasn't even been a week
- Mood: crappy
1. Who kissed you on New Year's?
No one
2. Did you have a New Year's Resolution this year?
Yeah. It lasted about 2 months
3. Does it snow where you live?
Not really
4. Do you like hot chocolate?
Love it
5. Have you ever been to Times Square to watch the ball drop?
Nope
♥FEBRUARY♥
1. Who was your Valentine?
Craig
2. When you were little did you buy Valentines for the whole class?
No. I was never that sad and my parents weren't that rich
3. Do you care if the groundhog sees its shadow or not?
Who cares?
4. What did you receive for Valentine's Day?
Having dinner cooked for me and a card
5. What did you give for Valentine's Day?
A couple of presents and a card
♥MARCH♥
1. Are you Irish?
Nope
2.Do you like corned beef and cabbage?
Corned beef, yes. Cabbage, nope
3. What did you do for St. Patty’s Day in 2007?
Nothing
4. Are you happy when winter is pretty much over?
Yeah
♥APRIL♥
1. Do you like the rain?
Yeah
2. Did you play an April fool’s joke on anyone this year?
Nope
3. Do you get tons of candy for easter?
Nope
4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
What happens then?
5. Do you love the month of april?
I liked this April cos I met Paul
♥MAY♥
1. What is your favorite flower?
Big daisies
2. Finish the phrase “April showers…”:
bring May flowers
3. Do you celebrate May 16th:
What happens then?
♥JUNE♥
1. What year did/will you graduate from high school
2004
2. Did you do anything fun during this Month?
It was mine and Paul's 2 month anniversary so we went to Peco
♥JULY♥
1. What did you do on the 4th of July?
Probably stayed at Paul's
2. Did you go to the fireworks?
Nope
3. Did you blast the A/C all day?
Nope
♥AUGUST♥
1. Did you do anything special at the end of your summer?
Just went out with Paul for our 4 month anniversary
2. Did you have a sunburn?
Yep
3. Did you go to the pool a lot?
No. I have no money and can't swim anyway
♥SEPTEMBER♥
1. Will you be attending college/school?
Nope
2. Do you like fall better than summer?
Nope
3. Plan on anything to happen this month?
Going out with Paul for my birthday
♥OCTOBER♥
1. What was your last Halloween costume?
Never had one
2. What is your favorite Halloween treat?
Chocolate apples
3. What did you do on Halloween?
Stayed at Paul's
♥NOVEMBER♥
1. Whose house do you go to for Thanksgiving?
I don't celebrate it
2. What are you thankful for?
Meeting Paul
The window falling on my head not hurting me any worse than it did
My friends
My family
3. Do you love stuffing?
Yep
♥DECEMBER♥
1. Do you celebrate Christmas?
Yep
2. Have you ever been kissed under the mistletoe?
Nope :( Hopefully this year though
3. Get anything special last year?
Not really
4. What do you want this year?
Jeans. Less Than Jake CDs. Somewhere to live
5. What do you love most about December?
Christmas
